Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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