so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
