I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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