My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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