goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I cockslap morals
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
