so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
