and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
