the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
