UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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