I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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