mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
there's paper in my vomit.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
