i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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