Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Randomize
