Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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