Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
