so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
