Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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