I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
