just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
