She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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