Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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