it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
