if you like me you must not know who I am
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
