i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
