Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
