I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
