I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
