This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How's work?
Spinning.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
