It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
