Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Randomize
