also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She needs sedatives and a leash
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
