I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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