And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
