thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
