She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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