I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
