im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i out mim tonsoeep
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