he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
