Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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