Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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