his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
