we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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