Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
