Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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