smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
