What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
