Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
