Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
