420 ftw
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You need a sexual gate keeper
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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