After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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