just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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