She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
