I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
